<insert Staind lyrics here> just kidding.
But it really had been a while. The last time I wrote, I was training for my marathon. Right after I posted my training ramped up and so did everything else around me. The good news is, I completed my marathon (!) and I'm not completely gone from the world. The bad news is that I've had one of the worst summers of my life. Well, it was not completely terrible, I did and saw amazing things, but things, as they do in life, have been changing at a speed more rapid than I am comfortable with or used to. I know (maybe) what you're thinking. The only constant in life is change... Change is inevitable.. Get comfortable in feeling comfortable... or really, how is this different than any other time you've ever posted?! I'm not really sure I know how to give the completely short version, but here's (my attempt at) the not-long, less-detailed version.
Since I've been in my mid-to-late twenties, I've been feeling like I'm on the verge of something. I never can tell if it's the verge of just settling down in life or if it's something completely different. This includes everything from finances to career to lifestyle to hobbies to the moon and back. I am all over the place. This is super different than all the other time periods of my life. I was always pretty sure I'd work some corporate job, climb a corporate ladder, and rest on the foundation that my family/schooling built. Now that I'm here, I don't feel as "cush" as I think i should.. or I feel super uncomfortable with how "cush" it is.
Okay, that's really the backstory. Basically this summer, I pushed and tested the limits of my physical self (26.2 miles of pure bliss--lol), and while I was training to not completely wreck my body (and mind) about this, the other parts of my life fell apart. My job started to ask a lot of me, mentally and emotionally; my anxiety creeped back into my life; the balance that I have been working hard to achieve/maintain completely combusted after my marathon was over; boundaries that I had previously set were (subconsciously) renegotiated; I lost myself.
The lowest point came during the last week of August when I found myself in a position where I simultaneously felt so alone but so empowered to fight. The problem was (and still is) I am drained and to a certain extent, feel like I'm out of options. But I'm not. I'm not alone, I can fight. I have people who will fight with me and for me. I have support.
The month of September has been one of finding new ground, cultivating me, reminding myself that I am worthy. I am lovable. I am trustworthy. I am capable. I am confident.
I have picked myself up enough to now share this time of "re"growth with all of you, and hopefully remind my future self that I can make it through really tough times. So look forward to posts about my "crazy, traumatic summer" and really the ways I'm finding to learn from it. Also look forward to hearing/seeing/reading about all the fun shit I did because I did do some really great stuff!
Thanks for sticking around to see if I'm still alive.