I got a really big team

I take all my relationships super seriously... Well almost all of them, I take my family for granted, but that's normal, right?! Hah. Jk.  But my friends I take seriously. 

As I've started to come into my own, as an adult, I've realized that you get to choose a lot of how you want to spend your life. Everyone knows, I hope, that I am an extrovert. I love to talk, and it's almost impossible to shut me up. Side note: the other day at work, my coworker was commenting on the number of stories I have. We later realized it's just that I don't let other people get a word in.. Oops. Anyways, I used to spend a lot of time trying to figure out how I could make the most friends. I went from being a pushover to being a complete bitch. Neither one really worked. I mean, I made friends, but not the kinds of friends I could call at all hour of the night if I needed... Or wanted. 

In high school, I called myself the nomad/the wanderer. My class was known for being very cliquey, and because I couldn't decide on who I wanted to be in high school, I wasn't really in a clique. I would have been a great politician. I would act and say things I thought people wanted to see and hear, but I wasn't getting the super tight bonds I had always wanted. 

It wasn't until about 4 years ago when I decided to quit my job and become a full-time volunteer (what up AmeriCorps!) that I found myself. I met  people who I felt really got me. Prior to meeting these people, I had maybe two people with whom I felt such a strong and instant connection with. I felt like I could trust these people and more importantly not worry about impressing them. This is really where I came into my own.  

Surrounding myself with positive people who aren't afraid to be weird or different made me realize that I'm fucking awesome. They gave me the confidence to be who I am and the support to do it. I am forever grateful to them, even though they may not know who they are. You know who you are.  

So I got this choice, and I'm constantly faced with this choice; to be true to who I am, or to bend myself to someone else's idea of me. While it's always tempting to do the latter, I've come to realize that when I am true to myself, I attract awesome people. People that I feel that instant connect with. People that I know I want to actively make a part of my life. People I would ride or die for.  

Like I said earlier, I don't have very many close friends from childhood. I don't talk to anyone from elementary school, I barely communicate with my high school friends, and the names of my close college friends could fit on one hand. But now, I feel like I could fill an entire auditorium with people I care about. I definitely can throw parties and be guaranteed they'll be packed. I'm not trying to brag, but I'm trying to say I wish I knew how awesome I was sooner. 

I love my friends, each and every one of them, even the ones I find to be a little more high maintenance, because I know what it's like to feel like you don't have a clique/gang/squad. My friends are like my family. So don't fuck with them, or I'll have to fuck with you.... :P

Gong Xi Fa Ze

I'm pretty sure when I was a kid, Christmas was my favorite holiday. I mean, for obvious reasons, but mostly because there was a huge sense of excitement and togetherness. I don't know when that all changed, but I definitely feel like the holidays (or at least the white man's holidays) just don't do it for me anymore.  

If you know me, you know that I am the least bit Asian and the most bit American -- I'd even go as far as to say Californian because we are clearly a different breed. I don't really have too many Asian friends, and the ones I do are pretty white washed. It's safe to say that all my friends are white. That all being said, Chinese New Year is my favorite freaking (non-drinking) holiday. I would even amend the non-drinking portion and say it's my number 1, but I don't want to make any rash statements. 

Chinese New Year is the one holiday I feel like my family has been able to keep the excitement around. Maybe it's because there's the lack of worrying about gift-giving, but everyone just comes together, eats delicious ass food, and enjoys each other's company. 

Over the past few years, I've been trying to figure out what I love about it or why I make such a big deal about it to my friends. I've come up with two things, both of which make me seem a little dumb but are too funny to not share. 1. I think I enjoy it because my friends are all white. They don't celebrate Chinese New Year, or even the "Lunar New Year." It makes me feel special that I get to celebrate something that they don't -- that's the dumb part. On the flip side, I love telling my friends about it, about all the weird traditions like not showering, and I like sharing my genuine sense of excitement over it. 2. It's the food. I mean, come on. I'm Chinese so I may be biased, but I don't eat Chinese food that often. Furthermore (yes, I'm making an argument like this is high school), the food at Chinese New Year is different and special and SOOOOO GOOOD. Some might say that I also enjoy the red envelope, but I'll plead the fifth. :) The food has always gotten me. There's some things you just have to eat because it's lucky, and it's tradition, but there's other food that I would literally fight my family for.  

A little over a year ago, my Ah-Boo (g-ma for you white folk) passed away. She was the best cook, especially around New Years. She made these tea eggs and pork belly. Mmmmmmm. But my favorite were these egg rolls. She would prep the filling, but let my sister, aunt, and me help roll them up before she fried them. It's been harder without her around, but I think I also love Chinese New Year because of her. Sorry to bring that down and make it so real, but I'm not really thaaaaat sorry.  

Anyways, today is a special day for me and all of China. And those who celebrate the lunar new year. So as my Ah-Boo would say, GONG XI FA ZE! Let's be honest, I added the yelling in. 

Apologies, Sis, but here's the most Asian picture I could find in two minutes. (We're in China y'all) 

Apologies, Sis, but here's the most Asian picture I could find in two minutes. (We're in China y'all) 

Sounds of Silence

My favorite thing about living in a city is the white noise. It makes me feel like I'm never alone and never too far from another person. I love the sound of muni whirring by my window and the loud techies arguing over which taqueria to hit up. I even love the sounds of my roommates cooking or watching tv in the other room... As long as it's not too loud.  

 

Detox

I tend to get obsessive about things. Like the time I signed up for a half marathon and my life turned into running, or like my absolute love for the Giants. My room is decorated in Giants paraphernalia, and sometimes I go weeks with just wearing Giants shirts -- yes I have enough to go 12 days without repeating a shirt. 

Anyways, I get really into things, and one of the things I'm currently into, other than this blog, is working out. I found a gym by my house that I love. The people, the atmosphere, the workouts, they are all right up my alley, and I've never felt more instantly at home than I have while I'm there. I started working out once a week, and over the course of 5 months, I've worked up to going 6 times a week. (Go me!) 

The gym/studio is doing this food detox, and because I don't know how to be an adult, I decided to take part. It sounds pretty hardcore and something you'd never want to do, but I've been finding it surprisingly easy. Easy in that most of the effort required is just planning and mindfulness. 

I used to be so afraid of cooking. I take that back, I am still so afraid of cooking. Up until a month ago, I had no idea how to really cook chicken. Now I know, and it's really not that hard. While I am no where close to "Mastering the Art of French Cooking", I'm way better off than I was two months ago. 

So the detox is about resetting, mostly based around food and food habits, eliminating potentially irritating foods and learning how our bodies feel/function without them. After a while, slowly introducing these foods back and seeing how they affect our body/mind/soul. It sounds like hippie BS, but for me, I think I have to buy in, and for the most part, I do. I feel like I've reached a point in my life where i'm in a pretty steady state of "transition". The hard part is that I can't tell if this is just adulthood, or if I'm still moving into that. This detox is really helping me not only refocus my eating habits, but it's also giving me the space to think about life -- this is getting super out there and cheesy, i know. 

 I'm finding that I've been having a lot of time for self-reflection (hence this blog), and it's crazy to think that I graduated college over 5 years ago, and that in that span of time, I've stayed the same but also grown a ton... I guess I haven't quite hashed out all of that quite yet, but stay tuned and maybe we'll all figure me out together.. 

 

in other news, I've been uploading some images to the images page. I didn't feel comfortable claiming the stock photos as my own, although they are super awesome. So go check them out. Them being my photos, not the stock ones. 

Well hello there!

Hi! I'm Kimberly, and I think the last time I had a blog, it was a LiveJournal or Xanga... was that the name of it? I was an angsty teenager trying to get an approving nod from anyone and everyone. Ten years have passed, and I suppose I'm giving it another go. 

So here's the short story: I'm 27, born and raised in San Francisco, CA, and trying to figure out what this "adult" thing really is. The truth is, I struggle with my finances, constantly am wondering if I'm following my heart when making life decisions, and am still trying to get an approving nod from anyone and everyone. 

This rainy Friday night, I've decided to put it all out there. Instead of celebrating a friend's birthday or dwelling on the fact that i am still single, I thought buying a SquareSpace webpage and writing about my problems was the answer. 

Having read over this, I kind of sound like I'm wallowing in self pity, but don't worry. I'm not... really... at least not all the time. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I've got a pretty great thing going right now, and if anything, I just lack the self-confidence or belief to make it sound like my life is more than half decent. 

When it comes down to it, I started this blog to:

  • sort my thoughts out,
  • remember what my life is like at this point in time,
  • work on my grammar skills,
  • share my life/story with strangers, and 
  • hopefully, hit it big on the internet. 

I hope you all take this journey with me. I don't really know who I'm talking to, but I'm excited even if it's just me. I'm going places, I know it. I just don't quite know where yet. 

xX, kk